Blood Is Thicker Than Water but Chocolate is Thicker Than Both

Family can be one of the most wonderful and most awful things in the world.  Some family members bring a smile to your face just to know that they are breathing, others make you wonder if Hitler has any living relatives.  What is that mystical bond that holds use together as a family?  Is it love?  Is it loyalty?  Is it a sense of duty or respect?  Honestly, I can't tell you.  To steal a verse from the Muppet Movie Soundtrack song, "The Rainbow Connection" seems appropriate here.  "...Somebody thought of that and someone believed it, look what it's done so far..." because I sure as hell can't think of any other reason why.  

Don't misunderstand me, I'm not saying I don't think families can be good or that I think families should be abolished.  Not at all.  I just think sometimes we need to be able to stand up and put our foot down and put an end to the nonsense of a particular person or branch of the family that causes nothing but drama and problems.  You know the ones I'm talking about here, we all have them.  That person you wish would hop on a slow boat to China or that particular branch of the family tree that you'd like to saw off and throw in the 4th of July bonfire.  Why we torture ourselves is beyond me.  Is it because we think we "have to" or because, "well, they're family."  So what, B.F.D. (If you don't know what BFD means, stick around for the blog about swearing.) You think if Charles Manson was my uncle I would have to invite him to Thanksgiving dinner because, after all, he is a member of the family, right?   I don't freaking think so.  And while I don't have a Charles Manson-like person in my family, that I know of, I definitely have a few members which make me want to go into full-on serial killer mode.  

So, what to do.  Do we suck it up and grin and bear it for the duration?  Do we risk our reputation and tell the offending person or persons to go piss up a rope?  In my younger days I would have played nice and tried to just get through it for the sake of everyone else's feelings, because of course, everyone else's feelings were far more important than mine.  Nowadays?  Yeah, not so much.   I would be inclined to tell Uncle Charlie he's not welcome or better still just not invite him.  I have "family" members that I haven't spoken to in years and have no desire whatsoever to do so.  The relationship between us is toxic to me and if I've learned nothing else in life, it's that life is short and I do NOT need any unnecessary toxicity.   I don't wish these folks  any ill will, I simply have nothing to give and want nothing from them.  Does that make me a bad person?  I don't think so, I think it makes me a genuine person.  I don't do well with superficial bullshit and I give as good as I get.  I don't want someone being fake with me so I'm certainly not going to be fake with them.   And to invite them out of a sense of duty is completely fake and just sets me and them up for a dysfunctional interaction at best and the potential for family drama and arguments.   So, just because we share the same genetic material, doesn't make us homies.  It just makes us genetically similar and even that is sometimes stretching it pretty freaking thin.  

I may have been born into a particular family and for a good reason I'm sure, but sometimes that reason, at least in my mind, is to learn to be able to disengage from relationships/people that are harmful or hurtful.  It's not easy to look back and realize a sibling you once loved and trusted is someone I wouldn't walk across the street to piss on if he was on fire.  But there you have it.  It is what it is.  Again, no bad luck or ill will is wished, I'm simply indifferent.  Some people might argue the "forgive and forget" principle.  I agree to an extent, I can forgive enough to say, I don't wish bad things for that person and forget enough to go on with my life without dwelling on that lost relationship, or harboring feelings of hate, but I have to remember it enough to keep myself from second guessing myself.  The Bible says to turn the other cheek but I never read anything about having to be stupid and make yourself vulnerable.  And I sure as hell don't think it condones being fake and superficial just for show.  And not all family members are off my list, in fact for me, precious few, but I do recognize that for some people sadly have more family members than not that they can't stand.  I'm one of the lucky ones.  

On the other hand, I have friends, with whom I have absolutely NO genetic similarities, that I would give the shirt off my back to or my last Ghiradelli Dark Chocolate Sea Salt Soiree candy to.  Now THAT'S a bond thicker than blood - chocolate.  I've heard it best put this way, "Friends are the family we choose for ourselves."  I prefer to think of them as my "friemly."  People whose company I enjoy, people who I share common interests, beliefs, values and life experiences with.  People who were there for me when I needed them and I will be there for when they need me.   I may not agree with my friemly and their choices and/or views at times, but I will always be on their side.  I may not be able to condone their activities or behaviors, but I will still believe in them.  We may disagree and argue and fuss at times, but there's still that bond there; that super glue of life that holds us together through thick and thin.  Now that is something I can believe in.  That is truly a bond thicker than blood AND chocolate.