Have you ever noticed those guys and gals (although it's mostly guys) who ride bikes and have all the latest and greatest equipment the world has to offer? You know the ones I'm talking about. The crowd my husband and I refer to as "the spandex wienies." The ones that have the $300.00 skin-tight, brightly-colored spandex outfits and the $200.00 shoes and the $4,000.00 bicycles. Oh and don't forget the helmets that cost no less than $180.00 and the water bottles that are $30.00 and Ray Ban Sunglasses that were $150.00 (on sale) and the list goes on and on and on. The ones with the attitude that speaks VOLUMES about who they are with a mere sentence or two. "ON YOUR LEFT" they shout as they go whizzing by you on the bike path. Yes I know they are trying to let me know they are there, for safety. I have a little bell that I tap once or twice to do that very thing when I come upon someone walking or riding in front of me. A little bell is far less abrasive and does the job just as well. Granted it doesn't call attention to me and all my "stuff" as much but I'm honestly concerned about safety, not strutting my stuff.
What I want to know is this. Do they get more exercise by spending that much money? Do they ride faster because of their equipment? Is it more fun? Do they feel superior? What's the big draw here? Is their self-esteem so low that they have to try to make up for it with all this expensive stuff? Do their egos need that boost? Are their dicks that tiny? I just don't get it. I'm thinking a few hours at the office of a therapist would be a helluva lot cheaper for them.
I would like to go on record here and now and tell each and every one of them that I am NOT, I REPEAT, NOT at all impressed, in awe, intimidated, spellbound, jealous, fascinated or dazzled by them and their ass-load of asinine accessories. The truth of the matter is, we actually laugh and mock and make fun of these idiots and their entourages. We can barely hold in our laughter and keep from mocking them within earshot. Not because we want to be mean necessarily. Just because it's so damned funny. We get just as much exercise on our economy bikes. We are just as comfortable in our shorts and t-shirts, with our 30.00 helmets protecting our brains just as much. Our sunglasses shade our eyes just as much and our water is just as cold and refreshing. Oh and we have the added enjoyment of making fun of the spandex wienies. And really, honestly, dude, if you want to spend your money on those things, I really couldn't give a rat's ass, but do not for one minute, think it makes you better than me in any way, shape or form. You may have more money than me, good for you, but there are truly some things money can't buy. Self-respect, self-esteem, and good manners for starters.
Now granted, there are some things that are worth spending the money on. A decent bicycle of course being paramount. But, let me go on record right here saying you don't have to spend THOUSANDS of dollars to get a good bicycle. Good bikes can be had for $300.00 to $600.00, maybe less. And, if you're lucky enough to have someone who knows their bikes, you may even score a yard-sale bike for less than $100.00. And trust me, when it comes to putting a bike to the test, I'm as hard as anyone else on my bike. First, it has to hold my arse when I'm riding, no easy feat to be sure. Then it has to be able to withstand the test of time as I put hundreds of miles on it yearly. And as if that isn't bad enough, I'm fortunate enough to live in a climate where we can ride almost year-round so my bike is subject to hot, cold, dry & wet. And last, but not least, the best part is that we have these lovely little thorny things known as goat heads which serve no other purpose except to puncture bike tires. Specifically, MY bike tires. The little fuckers are EVERYWHERE around here. And you wouldn't think something the size of very small tack and made from organic matter, not metal or even plastic, could do so much damage. Think again. Those little cocksuckers can work their way into the rubber of your tire just far enough to gently, and ever so subtly, prick the inner tube. Then when you put any amount of weight on it in the course of riding, it drives it in further and bam, you're pulling into a front row parking spot in "flat city."
Oh and one more thing, Captain Spandex, when you come whizzing past me, pumping your legs for all your worth, again, I'm not impressed or intimidated. You go buddy, have at it, go with God. I may not ride as fast or as far but I can guarndamntee you that I have as much or more fun than you ever will. You see, I have something you don't have. I have the appreciation of being able to do it. I have the advantage of know how it feels to sit on the sidelines and watch others and not be able to participate or at least not think I could. There's no better motivation. So in addition to being appreciative and enjoying it, I also am grateful that I can do it. I daresay my gratitude is worth far more than all of your extravagant, upscale accessories. Next time you wienies gotta whiz past me, shouting, "ON YOUR LEFT" don't be surprised if I graciously acknowledge your obnoxious presence with a single tap on my bell, ding. (Take that ya filthy animal)
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