And here it comes, the once a year unavoidable pumpkin spice crusade of mankind. I blame Starbucks for staring this phenomena. They started it when they created that chemical shit-storm in a cup known at the Pumpkin Spice Latte. I'll freely admit I made the yearly pilgrimage to Starbucks on the day that Pumpkin Spice Latte showed up on the menu, every year, for several years, until I became educated as to what is actually IN that chemical concoction. Once I read THAT list of chemical creativity gone to hell in a hand basket, I never put one of those things to my lips again. Being rather fond of the taste of the Pumpkin Spice Latte, or the PSL as it's known in Starbuckland, I missed the fall tradition of having that yummy taste. So I decided to google a recipe for my own homemade PSL and guess what, I actually found several such recipies, readily available. I picked one that sounded easy and delicious enough and embarked on my very own latte-making experience. I must admit it turned out to be rather good and quite a tasty treat.
That said, just because I like the occasional PSL in the fall that doesn't mean I want to have EVERYFUCKINGTHING in Pumpkin Spice flavor. I mean you can even find Pumpkin Spice soda, for Christ's sweet sake. Gross... Every baked good known to mankind can, and mostly likely will, be made in a pumpkin spice flavor. While that's not an entirely BAD thing...I just don't want it all to taste like Pumpkin. And what crazy psycho thought up Pumpkin Spice Oreos? Is NOTHING sacred people?
And how far will they go? How far will this madness expand into our culture? I've already seen it jump from food to beauty products. I can buy pumpkin spice lotion, hand sanitizer, bar soap, hand soap, candles, etc... I'm waiting for pumpkin spice dog food to show up next because of course, Fido, wants his fall tradition as well, right? Of course, the obvious most insane product would be a pumpkin spice scented tampon. Yeah, I want my hooch to smell like pumpkin spice. What am I gonna do, go to work beaming and declaring that my crotch smells like a latte? And when am I going to see pumpkin spice gasoline at the pumps? And will it be cheaper or more expensive? Or God-forbid, will it make my car run better, or, will my car turn into a pumpkin at midnight?
I think the real issue here is not just pumpkin spice. No, it's that people have forgotten, or may have never learned, that just because a little of something is good, doesn't always mean a lot is better. Case in point...liver & onions. Now I know most people won't even touch it with a 10-foot pole, I get that, it is somewhat of an acquired taste. But, just because I like it once or twice a year, doesn't mean I would like it once or twice a week, or even a month. And makeup, dear Lord, sweet Jesus, a little goes a long way. Try telling THAT to the under-20-crowd. And when did stamping your eyebrows on become a thing? I mean, hey, it worked for Tim Curry in Rocky Horror Picture Show, but otherwise, not so much. Plastic surgery is another one, have you SEEN the human Barbie Doll chick? Again, it's that whole moderation thing.
But back to the pumpkin spice conundrum. I suppose, in retrospect, it's probably good for the pumpkin farmers. And the maybe the dudes that grow the spices, and even the dairy farmers that provide the milk and the coffee producers of the world and let us not forget, that almighty tabernacle on every street corner known as Starbucks. So whether you like it or hate it, it's here for the season. Tis the season to be jolly and watch the marketing madness that will barf up pumpkin spice everything. I even saw pumpkin spice beer the other day. I have no words...
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