Blood Is Thicker Than Water but Chocolate is Thicker Than Both

Family can be one of the most wonderful and most awful things in the world.  Some family members bring a smile to your face just to know that they are breathing, others make you wonder if Hitler has any living relatives.  What is that mystical bond that holds use together as a family?  Is it love?  Is it loyalty?  Is it a sense of duty or respect?  Honestly, I can't tell you.  To steal a verse from the Muppet Movie Soundtrack song, "The Rainbow Connection" seems appropriate here.  "...Somebody thought of that and someone believed it, look what it's done so far..." because I sure as hell can't think of any other reason why.  

Don't misunderstand me, I'm not saying I don't think families can be good or that I think families should be abolished.  Not at all.  I just think sometimes we need to be able to stand up and put our foot down and put an end to the nonsense of a particular person or branch of the family that causes nothing but drama and problems.  You know the ones I'm talking about here, we all have them.  That person you wish would hop on a slow boat to China or that particular branch of the family tree that you'd like to saw off and throw in the 4th of July bonfire.  Why we torture ourselves is beyond me.  Is it because we think we "have to" or because, "well, they're family."  So what, B.F.D. (If you don't know what BFD means, stick around for the blog about swearing.) You think if Charles Manson was my uncle I would have to invite him to Thanksgiving dinner because, after all, he is a member of the family, right?   I don't freaking think so.  And while I don't have a Charles Manson-like person in my family, that I know of, I definitely have a few members which make me want to go into full-on serial killer mode.  

So, what to do.  Do we suck it up and grin and bear it for the duration?  Do we risk our reputation and tell the offending person or persons to go piss up a rope?  In my younger days I would have played nice and tried to just get through it for the sake of everyone else's feelings, because of course, everyone else's feelings were far more important than mine.  Nowadays?  Yeah, not so much.   I would be inclined to tell Uncle Charlie he's not welcome or better still just not invite him.  I have "family" members that I haven't spoken to in years and have no desire whatsoever to do so.  The relationship between us is toxic to me and if I've learned nothing else in life, it's that life is short and I do NOT need any unnecessary toxicity.   I don't wish these folks  any ill will, I simply have nothing to give and want nothing from them.  Does that make me a bad person?  I don't think so, I think it makes me a genuine person.  I don't do well with superficial bullshit and I give as good as I get.  I don't want someone being fake with me so I'm certainly not going to be fake with them.   And to invite them out of a sense of duty is completely fake and just sets me and them up for a dysfunctional interaction at best and the potential for family drama and arguments.   So, just because we share the same genetic material, doesn't make us homies.  It just makes us genetically similar and even that is sometimes stretching it pretty freaking thin.  

I may have been born into a particular family and for a good reason I'm sure, but sometimes that reason, at least in my mind, is to learn to be able to disengage from relationships/people that are harmful or hurtful.  It's not easy to look back and realize a sibling you once loved and trusted is someone I wouldn't walk across the street to piss on if he was on fire.  But there you have it.  It is what it is.  Again, no bad luck or ill will is wished, I'm simply indifferent.  Some people might argue the "forgive and forget" principle.  I agree to an extent, I can forgive enough to say, I don't wish bad things for that person and forget enough to go on with my life without dwelling on that lost relationship, or harboring feelings of hate, but I have to remember it enough to keep myself from second guessing myself.  The Bible says to turn the other cheek but I never read anything about having to be stupid and make yourself vulnerable.  And I sure as hell don't think it condones being fake and superficial just for show.  And not all family members are off my list, in fact for me, precious few, but I do recognize that for some people sadly have more family members than not that they can't stand.  I'm one of the lucky ones.  

On the other hand, I have friends, with whom I have absolutely NO genetic similarities, that I would give the shirt off my back to or my last Ghiradelli Dark Chocolate Sea Salt Soiree candy to.  Now THAT'S a bond thicker than blood - chocolate.  I've heard it best put this way, "Friends are the family we choose for ourselves."  I prefer to think of them as my "friemly."  People whose company I enjoy, people who I share common interests, beliefs, values and life experiences with.  People who were there for me when I needed them and I will be there for when they need me.   I may not agree with my friemly and their choices and/or views at times, but I will always be on their side.  I may not be able to condone their activities or behaviors, but I will still believe in them.  We may disagree and argue and fuss at times, but there's still that bond there; that super glue of life that holds us together through thick and thin.  Now that is something I can believe in.  That is truly a bond thicker than blood AND chocolate.   

All's fair in love and war - but not in real life

When did the general population get the impression that life is always supposed to be "fair?"  I hear people justify all kinds of things all in the name of fairness.  "It isn't fair," has become the noble cry of the masses seeking "justice" for those who are less fortunate than others or those who have made choices in life that have led them down the road to ruin.  I just don't get it, why does everyone think life has to be fair?  We (the collective we as in society as a whole) need to grow the hell up and get over it.  If everything was "fair" in life, what would there be to work for?

And true, life is unfair, some people are born rich, some are born dirt poor; some are born beautiful some are born looking like the south end of a donkey headed north.  THAT IS LIFE.  It's not fair, it never has been fair, it isn't fair now and, it never will be fair.  Deal with it.   And part of learning to deal with it to quit whining about what you don't have and what someone else does have.  There will ALWAYS be someone who has a better car, is thinner, richer, smarter, etc...

How about we use our resources, time and energy striving toward obtaining those things in life that we wish we had.  And while we're on the subject of obtaining things, let us visit the idea of actually doing something for ourselves to get the things or reach our goals.  How about we quit expecting someone else to fight the fight for us or foot the bill of our goals.  Part of the satisfaction of obtaining a goal is being able to know that you did the work, you sweat the drops of perspiration, you bled the blood and you signed along the dotted line.  It's all well and good to get help from others, to get and give a leg up, the problem is that so many people have come to EXPECT it.  They feel it's OWED to them and they are ENTITLED.  There are a few words/phrases I would like to remove from the English language; entitled, owed and under-served - I'll save that for another blog.

I see and deal with so many people in the population that are in their 20's & 30's and they have such unreal expectations.  They just figure that if they don't take care of themselves and/or their kids someone else will.  Now I will be the first one to hand a starving child my hot dog from the street vendor but dammit anyway, if mom and dad can't afford to feed the little tyke a hot dog, why in the hell do you bring him downtown right next to the hot dog stand?  I'll tell you why, so some bleeding heart will give him a hot dog and thereby saving mom & dad the 3 bucks so they can spend it in a slot machine or put it toward their next tattoo.  It's that expectation mentality, that mentality of "share the wealth" (Barak Obama be damned).  I don't expect anyone to share the wealth with me, why do I have to share mine?

I even hear horror stories from my friends, coworkers and family who have children in public school. They all send school supplies with their kid and then the teacher gathers them up and distributes them "evenly" because it's "not fair" that little Marcus and Gabby's parents can't afford to buy them a box of 64 different colored crayons.  Here we go with that "it's not fair" bullshit again.   What a CROCK of SHIT!  Here's a thought, and work with me here on this one; maybe, just maybe, if Marcus and Gabby learn that they only got the 24 colored crayons in a box because their parents work in a warehouse while Sophie & Adam got the 64 colored crayons in a box because their parents went to college and got professional jobs, they might actually begin to aspire to greater things in life.  Not that there's anything wrong with working with a warehouse, it's good, hard, honest labor.  But it has it's drawbacks, one of which being that the wages are generally less than those of a professional.  I don't make the rules, I don't even like them any more than anyone else sometimes, but that's just the way it is.  LIFE IS NOT FUCKING FAIR.  It never has been and it never will be.  So Marcus & Gabby may just learn that they want to have a career that pays more than what their parents made so they can give THEIR kids the 64 colored crayons in a box.  Or Marcus & Gabby will learn to make do with the 24 colored crayons in a box, blend the colors and become true artists who can turn trash into art, without NEEDING the 64 colored crayons.  And Sophie & Adam can learn that even if you have the 64 colored crayons in a box, you may not be an artist in the making.  But nooo, we can't let the poor little darlings suffer and feel inferior, because that "wouldn't be fair."

And excuse me if I saved my money, and bypassed the large double chocolate mocha with extra whipped cream so that I could buy my kid the 64 colored crayons box, then they damn well better HAVE those 64 crayons.  Why is it MY problem or responsibility to provide for Marcus & Gabby because their parents just had to have another pack of cigarettes or another bottle of vodka and thereby couldn't afford more than the 24 colored crayon box.  It's not.  Marcus & Gabby will figure out that their parents were being selfish pricks and will learn a lesson about parenting.

And just a little side note, as food for thought,  when I was a kid in school, we learned to do that amazing thing called SHARING.  So when one of my classmates only had the 24 colored crayons and wanted to borrow my "school-house brick red" crayon, I loaned it to them so they could use it and then return it.  We both learned a lesson, I learned to share with others and they learned that if you ask someone (not demand or expect it) to share, they usually do.  Not always of course and again, the whole life is not fair principle comes into play.

There are all sorts of lessons to be learned with inequality and I fully admit some of them are less than pleasant.   The most egregious unfairness of all is NOT teaching people about reality.  Teaching them that life should always be fair is the most unfair thing of all.  Teaching them that life should be fair sets them up for a lifetime of disappointment and unmet expectations.  No matter how much we want life to be fair, expect it to be fair, DEMAND it be fair and whine about it when it's not fair, life will never be fair.  Never, ever, ever.

Shopping on a budget

Who in the ever loving FUCK decided that a family of 6, of which 4 of them are ages 5 and under, are qualified to receive over 900.00 per month in food stamps?  And how does the same aforementioned family manage to spend all 900.00 per month when all they have in the house to eat are store-brand prepackaged, quick-fix garbage foodstuffs?  Oh and on a side note, the mom gets WIC for the 3 younger children, so there's more free food coming in.  Now, it doesn't take someone with a degree in astrophysics to figure out that something's a wee bit on the fishy side here.  Keep in mind, that food stamps ONLY pays for edible food items.  It does NOT cover diapers, dog food, aluminum foil, toothpaste or the real necessities like cigarettes and alcohol.  So campers, raise your hand if you think that good ole Ma & Pa are selling off their food stamps to subsidize the things they just can't live without, but don't want to get a job to earn, like cable TV, acrylic nails, weed, x-box games and smart phones.  Go ahead, I'll wait...

Yeah, it's clearly obvious they are, especially given the fact that their home contains less than 300 dollars worth of food (and I use the term food loosely here) and yet, Ma is sporting a new manicure and Pa is busily engaged in defeating the enemy on the latest x-box offering.  Of course when you suck off the government teat you have all the time in the world for the aforementioned manicures and x-box play.  For the rest of us, we have to try to squeeze in those little extras when time AND money permit. 

Now, lest you think this is all made up, let me assure you that I live and work within a climate where I am privy to this type of shit - first hand!  Where or how isn't important.  What is important that it's real and its happening all over our country.  And what I find amazing is that the general public really isn't aware of the specifics involved.  We all know that the government spends MILLIONS of dollars on food stamps for qualified recipients.  And we all know that much of that is wasted either on junk food or sold for cash 50 cents on the dollar so the recipient can purchase other non-food items.  But, for the vast majority of us, millions of dollars isn't "real" money to us.  Few of us have millions - hell even when I play monopoly I don't get into the millionaire range.  But, for most of us working, $900.00 is real money.  It's the same amount we may be paying for a mortgage or rent, it's gas AND grocery AND other necessities (soap, tampons, condoms, shaving cream) for a month.  So now, that $900.00 a month is VERY REAL to me.  And dammit anyway, I only wish I could spend $900.00 a month on food alone.  I guarantee my family would be eating things like steaks, roasts, organic produce, etc...rather than chicken and hamburger.  I mean $900.00 a month just on edible food is a LOT of money and unless those 4 kids are teenagers, I daresay it should stretch to keep your family fed quite well.  And yet these people feed their kids cold cereal that is a nutritional shit-storm in a bowl, hotdogs, macaroni & cheese-like-substance and the staple of every low-income family and college student - ramen noodles.  W.T.F. !!!! 

And trust me when I say the fictional family I'm references is NOT unique or unusual, but just one of many.  I guess I could live with it better if I thought for one hot second that they were actually feeding these children 900.00 worth of good quality, fresh food.  Granted I couldn't afford to feed my children that way, but then I foolishly believed in a lifestyle of working and earning my way, rather than expecting the government to pick up the slack for me.   But these children are growing up eating chemically created SHIT that will cause many of them a lifetime of metabolic nightmares at the very least.  Sadly it will likely lead to obesity, insulin resistance and a host of diseases that will impact their lives down the road when those kids are sucking off the government teat and then guess who pays for that too?  But hey, my tax dollars are being well-spent, aren't they?

Fuck this pisses me off!  Not just HOW they are being spent but that they ARE being spent.  The food stamp program is designed to be a SUPPLEMENTAL program.  I blame not just those taking advantage, but also the system giving it.  If it's supposed to be supplemental then tell me again how a family of 6 needs 900 to SUPPLEMENT their food budget.  Again, we're only talking food here, not laundry soap and shoe laces and tampons.  Who makes up this shit?  Who determines how this is figured out?  And what is the ratio of the supplement?  Is it supposed to be 90% to supplement their 10% out of pocket?  I mean really, I want to know the numbers. 

And as a little caveat to this story is that when these families have used up all their allotted amount of food stamps for the month, and they do EVERY SINGLE MONTH, they then go and hit up the food bank, church food pantries or any other resource they can find, and tap into that to feed them for the remainder of the month; until the next month when the cash cow drops another load on them.   And thus begins the cycle again...